Intentional Living

Schedule change

2005-10-12T10:09:00.000-07:00

David and I have changed our schedules around. This leaves me with larger periods of time to accomplish errands/tasks sans children, but somehow significantly less time to goof around at the computer.

Perhaps it is time to shut down this blog...

Church of the Servant King

2005-09-14T08:43:00.000-07:00

We asked the intentional community we visited in North Portland to send us a copy of their covenant agreement.

Church of the Servant King -- Statement of Commitment
           
   We come together as single followers of our Lord and Savior, Jesus
Christ.  In response to the promptings of His Spirit we are determined
to seek first His kingdom, ordering our lives by its values and
submitting to His lordship through this local expression of His body.
By this statement we express our covenant with one another under the
lordship of Jesus Christ.
   It is our desire to live out life in listening response to His call.
Where He calls us to love one another, we shall, learning from Him and
from each other the are of loving.  Where He calls us to servanthood, we
shall humbly offer ourselves.  Where He urges us to become holy as He is
holy, we will abandon the false pursuits of the world and will receive
thankfully the correction of our sister and brother. We affirm that our
confession of Christ means that we will live out our discipleship in
union with others, that together we are His body, that the church is
God's tool for accomplishing His objective in the world. Together, we
wish to be a light to the world showing His love.
   Because of this and my desire to grow up into true servanthood,
recognizing that light is discovered only when I choose not to claim
life for myself, I give my life away, no longer living for me but living
for you.  I abandon my destiny to the Lord. Knowing His Spirit works
through His people, I share with you the control of that destiny. Short
of a violation of my conscience, as it is purified through the church, I
will defer to the voice of the church and its gifts as it speaks to my
life.  My commitment to you is that I will not seek to leave without a
call from God that has been confirmed by this body.  I trust that you
will honor me as part of your family and not take my offering lightly. 
   I accept you as my sisters and brothers and promise to cherish the
gift of our relationship. I will strive for our unity by praying for
you, helping you, serving you, and forgiving you. I ask you to care for
me, to encourage me to love and good works, to call me on when you see
me falling away, and to stand beside me in my struggle.
   Now, then, we are one body.  We are born of one Spirit and seek
strength from one source.  We shall be together for as long as God
allows. We rejoice in our unity, a gift of our Father.  And we go forth,
together, in His service.

Like ships in the night

2005-09-13T16:13:00.000-07:00

We keep missing S when she comes by or calls and unfortunately, she doesn't seem to be receiving our emails and her phone isn't receiving our calls.

I am posting this here because she has this address and WE WOULD LOVE TO HAVE DINNER WITH HER ON THURSDAY, but I am at a loss for contacting her beyond just showing up at her house and taping a note to her door. Which I will do tomorrow if I haven't heard from her.

Back on the Hunt

2005-09-13T16:08:00.000-07:00

Our house is again looking for a housemate. At our house meeting with the Salsbury Coordinator, B stated that upon further reflection, she was completely uncomfortable with the idea of opening up the vacant room in our house for people in crisis. She is also totally uncomfortable with the thought of a male housemate, so we are specifically looking for a single female.

Hopefully we will find some motivated single female soon!

Grace Period

2005-09-13T16:03:00.000-07:00

David has been hired by JustWork to work 10 hours a week. This means that we can now apply to extend our visas for another year. I can look for a part-time job and we will still receive the child tax credit and our health insurance. Hallelujah!

Now, hopefully a part-time job will open up somewhere locally.

A Little Clarity

2005-09-09T23:01:00.000-07:00

We just had dinner with K&T (our friends with the connections in Cincinnati). For the next two or more years they intend to stay here in Vancouver.

Cincinnati is "off".

Upon hearing this I was a little hurt at first. But after a few minutes an amazing weight lifted from my being. I will not be moving to Cincinnati in the near future. I (most likely) will not be living with K&T. There is some blessing in that. We can now continue to build our friendships in this light.

God is good.

Follow-up

2005-09-09T22:59:00.000-07:00

The Salsbury Coordinator likes our idea for using the vacant room. She wants us to brainstorm a little more together to make certain that we are all on board and everyone is willing to take on some responsibility for the guests.

Another house meeting approacheth...

Feeling incompetant

2005-09-08T11:39:00.000-07:00

Perhaps incompetant isn't the best word.

I am feeling frustrated because our big trip did not yield any direction for our lives. Yes, we want to live in some kind of intentional community. But we could do that just about anywhere, provided that we are with like-minded people. Cincinnati, Portland, Timbuktu (well, probably not overseas), it's all about as likely as anything else. Who knows. Maybe we are supposed to stay here in Vancouver? I used to feel fairly certain that we were supposed to return to the US, but I am filled with doubts and second guesses.

I am also feeling frustrated in our house. The physical structure of the house and the location of the house are not terribly condusive to raising little people. But then, perhaps I just want what I don't have.

My final frustration has been with our efforts to potty train our son. He just is not interested. At all. He doesn't like getting wet when he is just wearing underwear and pants, but his dislike of the wetness is not so strong that he is interested in using the toilet.

Sometimes I just feel so out of control, that I want to do something rediculously crazy in an attempt to establish some form of control over my life. But I know anything crazy that I might do would only result in more frustration. So I just have to let all of this go instead.

House Meeting

2005-09-08T11:10:00.000-07:00

A couple of days ago we had a house meeting. We debriefed how we were feeling after S's move, what we learned from the experience, etc.

We also discussed the food budget (again), cooking schedule (again), and chores (again).

Now we have an empty room to fill. David had the idea that perhaps we could use the empty room for temporary housing for First Nations folk (since B & V have a lot of ties to the First Nations community). We would need to find funding to cover the rent of that room. We have run the idea past the Salsbury Community Society Coordinator, we shall see what she has to say.

Moving day approaches

2005-08-30T21:46:00.000-07:00

S moves out the day after tomorrow. We will miss her terribly, but she plans to come to our house for dinner every Thursday, so we won't be totally out of touch.

I am sad she is moving.

Time to think and process

2005-08-29T21:17:00.000-07:00

We have come back from our trip and I have had a little time to process my thoughts.

At the beginning of our trip we drove to Portland to visit my family. My brother was released from prison and I turned thirty. It was a joyous weekend. My whole family helped to move my brother into his new apartment. This was the first time that I have ever participated in a "group project" with my family. Usually, I am visiting during holidays, and we are all simply sitting around stuffing our faces with too much food. This was a new and pleasant experience.

While we were in Portland, we visited with some of the members of The Church of the Servant King. They are an intentional community in North Portland near St. Johns and the University of Portland. The members of the church either live in the community house where the church meets or they live within a five-minute walk of the community house. They do not share money completely with one another, but they do all contribute to a common bank account. This money is there for housing expenses and assisting any member who finds him/herself out of work or ill or short of funds in some other way. The members are committed to life together so much that no one member will simply leave the community for a better job. If a member is offerred a better/different job involving a move away from the community, then the entire community meets to discern God's will with that member. The founding members have been living together in this neighborhood in North Portland since 1990.

When we spoke, one of the members said that one thing they have learned is that successful, long-term, intentional communities are built on the members' commitment to each other. She said they have heard of many intentional communities that have lasted only a few years because the commitment was to a program or a particular sector of society and then, when the program fails or the demographic of the neighborhood changes, the community dissolves.

Both David and I immediately felt at ease with these people in this community. Our son, Peter, who is usually quite shy in new environments happily accepted the box of toys he was handed and left us to tour the community house without him. We left their community knowing that we will be visiting them again to continue to learn and observe.

We flew from Portland to Indianapolis and visited with our good friends, R & S, who live in Spencer. They are intrigued by the thought of intentional community, and would like to live more radically and more simply, but feel very much alone in this desire in their present location (in both the small town and the church they attend). R will be leaving his present position at the church they attend in about nine months, so they, like us, are in a period of discerning where they should be headed. I think we all feel that joining together in some way might be quite possible.

We drove from Spencer to Cincinnati for a weekend. Our good friends and next-door neighbors are from Cincinnati and have suggested a particular inner city neighborhood there as a possible location to move to and begin life together. This is the Over-the-Rhine neighborhood that I spoke of previously. David and I wanted to see it with our own eyes. We arranged to meet with Jack at his house for breakfast and prayer followed by a walking tour of Over-the Rhine.

We arrived at Jack's house at 9:30ish. We met two of his housemates and then met a neighbor of his who is renovating one of the brownstone-ish buildings across the street. They are turning that one building into two apartments and an office space. Then we hit the pavement. It was 95 degrees and the humidity was high. Jack had a story or at least some background on almost every building we passed. That made for a hot, sweaty, slow tour with much standing in what little shade we could find. I can now tell you some of the basic differences between Italian, Greek, and German architecture in Over-the-Rhine. I can also tell you the significance of the names of Liberty Street and Race Street. I also learned the two primary things one does in the mid-west with an abundance of corn. All thanks to Jack.

We stopped at the church Jack attends for an indoor break... ice water, restrooms, and a chance for David and I to sit while Peter and Lucy stretched their legs. Prince of Peace Lutheran Church is lovely, if quite run-down from years of not enough money to make repairs. Only 12 people meet there regularly now. Once Jack had finished photocopying the bulletin, we moved on toward lunch at Tucker's. After lunch, and six straight hours together, we made our way back to Jack's house and bid him farewell. Peter and Lucy were in great need of a nap and David and I were in great need of time to process all we had learned and observed.

Jack is an amazing person. He knows more about just about everything than anyone else I know (and I know a few real Renaissance folks). He also has a heart for the people in his neighborhood and is willing to do whatever difficult work needs to be done. We were blessed by his positive yet realistic attitude.

The next day we checked out Findlay Market before heading back to Spencer. There we found shopping as similar to the kind of shopping we do here in Vancouver as we have yet to find in the States. We left Cincinnati thinking that this could be a very possible location for an intentional community to live.

So we travelled all that way and have come to decide that we (at least David and the kids and I) could really move just about anywhere (except suburbia) and live in an intentional community. It's not so much the place or the program, it's who we will be committing ourselves to.

Treading Water

2005-08-04T10:21:00.000-07:00

Thought I should drop in and say that I have hit a phase where I am merely treading water rather than being thoughtful and intentional about life.

Something about summer weather, a teething infant who wants to bite my shoulder (ouch), and thinking about preparing for a vacation to visit family and friends...

I still don't know Jack...

2005-07-24T14:45:00.000-07:00

...but at least I've met him.

Friday evening we had dinner with a man, Jack, who has lived and worked in Over the Rhine (an inner city neighborhood in Cincinnati) since 1969. He told us stories of his life there over the years, and challenged us to face our biases.

We are seriously considering (along with our friends) moving to this neighborhood. Talking with and listening to Jack helped bring some realism to our previously romantic notions of life in the inner city. David and I are going to take that realism a step further and go visit this neighborhood in mid-August.

I truly feel called to live my life in a way that is different from the American norm. I want to be a part (albeit small) of bringing God's grace and peace to the "god forsaken" parts of our country.

We came, we listened

2005-07-19T15:25:00.000-07:00

and everything went well.

S framed much of her thoughts in the context of how we might interact with a new housemate. For example, if one family is doing something interesting/fun, that family might ought to invite the new housemate along.

But mostly, what it came down to is that we need some unified vision. We need something that we are all working on/responsible for so that we can build our relationships while we work. Our schedules/rhythms are just too different to hope that relationships will form on their own.

Now we just have to come up with a vision.

The big listening meeting is tomorrow...

2005-07-18T22:19:00.000-07:00

Tomorrow everyone in this house and the Salsbury Community Society Coordinator will gather at 11 AM to listen to S share her thoughts and feelings regarding her experience in this house. I have a feeling that this will be a difficult experience for everyone. I am glad the J (the coordinator) will be attending. Her presence keeps everyone on their best behavior and at the same time allows everyone to speak freely and honestly.

It is painful to think that we have worked this hard all year and still we have managed to alienate someone.

May God be with us tomorrow, opening our ears and our hearts to each other.
Amen.

House Meeting this morning

2005-07-13T13:53:00.000-07:00

in which we discussed the cooking rotation now that our houseguest is moving out on Sunday.

Other tidbits:
I mentioned my peevishness regarding food waste. David asked everyone to remember to be careful about the pipes under the sinks (they knock loose easily). We all planned a day next week to have a couple visiting the community over for dinner.

And one biggie:
S is moving out. Sometime in September. She has had a hard time living with two families and being the only person not a part. (B, V, and our houseguest are all related.) I knew S was thinking about this, but I didn't know it would happen so soon. B and V were surprised, I think, and didn't quite know how to respond. David asked S if she would consider giving us some advice so we don't stumble down this merry path in the future. She agreed.

Next week we will have another meeting to hear more of S's thoughts and think about the future of this house.

Thinking About Covenants

2005-07-05T22:47:00.000-07:00

...as in a covenant relationship. We talked about this at the retreat: there just aren't any good ways in our society to describe a covenant relationship between two people outside of a sexualized context.

For example, after several years of close friendship, two of my acquaintances, M and J, have decided to share life together. M and J are both female. They are not lesbians. There is no ceremony or language to easily describe their new relationship. Similarly, another friend, J, has decided that she is going to share life with a married couple. Again, no sex involved. Also, no ceremony and no language to name the new relationship.

David and I have thought for a long time about someday having other families to share life with in this way. But it is certainly hard to talk about without the language already there.

Preparing

2005-06-30T15:16:00.000-07:00

for a retreat is a lot of work. I hope there will be some rest once we get there.

My family and I are going off for the long weekend to a retreat house with our group of American friends. We formed this group because we all came to some understanding of how the circumstance of our nationality interacts with the choice of our faith. Living in Canada and attending our particular church (highly international - many refugees) made this aspect of our lives more obvious.

But for me, right now, I have too many things to pack and prepare to be very reflective.

House Meeting

2005-06-23T21:55:00.000-07:00

in which we discussed the house blitz and looked forward to our "Gelato in the Park" event.

We also discussed the disappearing money. Everyone is alarmed by the missing money boxes. No one remembers seeing or hearing anything suspicious. My housemates who I thought were surprisingly unconcerned, are, in fact, quite concerned, but have just had a million other things going on in their lives. One of them has even checked through the bushes and along the sidewalk and alley in the hopes of at least recovering the tins the money was kept in.

Our new plan is to go back to not keeping the money in common space. If someone needs money to go shopping, then that person must request it from the person keeping track of the money and return the receipt and change upon returning. Otherwise, anyone who is shopping must use their own money and turn in a receipt to the money-keeper to be reimbursed. This is a drag on everyone in the house, but it is what we need to do right now.

Weird

2005-06-23T18:26:00.000-07:00

Half of my housemates do not seem bothered in the least by the absence of the cash boxes. Tonight we have a house meeting and we will discuss the missing money then.

Things like this make my stomach churn...

If the money was stolen by a person within the house, they have serious issues that need to be addressed, but I don't know that any of us are capable of helping someone work those issues out. If someone has "cased" our place and knows that we [used to] keep a tin of money in a drawer in the kitchen, then I don't feel very comfortable allowing my toddler unattended downstairs for even a few minutes.

It's time for dinner now... meeting afterward...

Missing:

2005-06-20T19:29:00.000-07:00

one shallow rectangular tin box contianing $20 and some change for the house food budget, one small cylindrical tin containing maybe $10 and some change for the house non-edibles budget. Noticed missing Sunday afternoon. No signs of break-in or robbery noted.

I hope there is an innocent explanation for the missing money boxes. I hate to think that someone is stealing from us. Sigh.

Strawberry picking

2005-06-15T14:50:00.000-07:00

Today my children and I went with two friends and their children to a strawberry farm. Once we got there, we had a lovely time. Getting there, however, was a bit of a struggle.

Everything at our house was going smoothly. Then I went next door and got their child's car seat and tried to install it and my kids' car seats all in the back of my car. They wouldn't fit. So I called our other friend who said, "Put one of them in my car." So she drove over and we put Lucy's car seat in her car. No sign of our neighbors being ready yet. We put Lucy in her seat. My friend says, "I need to stop at so-and-so's house on the way, so why don't I just meet you at the farm? Take exit ___ and follow the signs." "OK," I say. Famous last words.

Peter and I go next door to roust the neighbors and get going. They are nowhere near ready. Half an hour later we are loading up the boys and our gear in my car and heading out. We drive and drive and finally get to the exit. I turned the way I thought I was supposed to go and then see a sign for the farm and turn in the direction of the arrow.

We drive and drive and drive and never see another sign for the farm. At this point I am getting quite worried/uncomfortable about my 4 month old daughter being separated from me this long. We turn around and drive and drive and drive and finally find a man stopped along the side of the road who appears to be contemplating a telephone pole. We ask him for directions. He sends us in a different direction. We drive and drive and drive. No farm. (I am really uncomfortable now.) We decide to head back to the sign that we followed originally. We drive and drive and drive and finally get to that sign and determine that it was not directing us it was there directing the traffic coming from a different direction. We turn around, follow the sign in this new direction and within five minutes, we are pulling into the strawberry farm. Total driving time: 1.5 hours.

Fortunately, Lucy is fine. Happy, even.

Once we get our car unpacked, we head out to the field to start picking berries. Thankfully, my neighbor is willing to split the berries with us (otherwise, I would have come back with a pitifully small bucket of berries).

We go to pay for the berries. Guess who forgot her wallet? That would be me. All that driving. All that craziness. And I forgot my wallet. My neighbor and I about fall down laughing. She paid, we loaded up the kids into the different cars and we all caravanned back home together.

(Yes, I drove home without my wallet. My neighbor abhors driving, and I was willing to push my luck.)

I don't know what this story really has to do with living intentionally, except to illustrate that with friends, in community, there is always someone to help you figure out your problem and to bail you out when needed.

You can't compost

2005-06-15T14:40:00.000-07:00

children since they are not vegetable matter.

I had a really bad morning yesterday. Really bad. We're talking a yelling-at-my-two-year-old while-dragging-him-by-the-arm and-tossing-him-on-the-bed kind of bad.

Last night, when I was able to reflect, I realized that what I really needed at that moment was to be able to hand Lucy (4 months old) off to someone and deal calmly and rationally with Peter. At that moment, trying to deal with two crying cranky kids was more than I could handle. Far more.

Last night I thought, "I live in a community house! I should be able to get a little help when I need it!" Then I realized there are two reasons why I did not ask one of my housemates to handle Lucy so I could handle Peter. The first is that the two who were home were asleep. The second is that David wasn't all that far away (working in the garage), so my gut instinct was to call him.

I am going to talk with my housemates about this. Perhaps they would not mind bailing me out on occasion even if they had to wake up to do it. I would also like to build my own skills rather than relying on David to get my back every time the going gets rough.

I just posted this message

2005-06-10T14:44:00.000-07:00

on our message board:

COME! Rejoice with me in the freedom that comes from having finished one's chore! Do yours and check it off!

House Meeting Last Night

2005-06-08T08:18:00.000-07:00

...in which we re-defined each chore on the list, made plans for two other house meetings this month, and planned house events including: a house cleaning blitz, a showing of V's movie, attending our house guest's Aboriginal Day performance, and gelato in the park.

We also each shared something that reminded us of summer. I brought a little bit of sunscreen in a cup for everyone to smell, David brought his baseball glove, S brought her flip-flops, B brought her straw hat, and V played her Canaries CD.

It was long, but good.

Water Rights

2005-06-07T08:40:00.000-07:00

If I remember correctly, control over limited water supply has been one of the major arguments between countries in the Middle East.

The same could be said for our community house.

I finally have both of my kids in a happy enough space so that I can take a shower, but one of my housemates just took a *long* shower, so there's very little hot water. I checked their shower schedule (all of my other housemates share one bathroom) and today there were showers scheduled at 6:30, at 8:15, and at 9:30 AM. This means that I either have to be happy with a cold shower or wait until this afternoon for a hot one. I can't decide which option will make me grumpier...

I decided to wait. It turned out that our houseguest slept in and didn't have time to shower, so when David came home at 10:30, there was plenty of hot water just waiting for me.

Supporting Community

2005-05-31T16:21:00.000-07:00

There's a pottery studio in the basement of my church. There are several members of my church and neighborhood who are experienced potters and they have weekly drop-in days for anyone (including the folks living on the street) to come and create.

This past year I have become more serious about buying pottery from this studio - both for myself and to give as gifts. What I have found is that I approach selecting the items that I am giving away in much the same manner as I would shopping in any other store. These items should be nearly perfect and somehow remind me of the person receiving the gift.

However, the items that I buy for myself just have to speak to me. Usually they are practial items (mugs and bowls, primarily), but they are not always perfect. The imperfections allow me to use the pieces without worry, but, more importantly, the imperfections remind me of the purpose of the studio. That everyone - every flawed person - should have the opportunity to create.

Someone I Respect

2005-05-31T16:19:00.000-07:00

recently suggested that the most subversive thing a young person - full of potential - could do is to commit to living in one place instead of "keeping their options open".

Yes.

Sharing Work

2005-05-25T00:02:00.000-07:00

Something I have noticed is that those who are physically present in the house more often do more chores.

This sounds like a fairly simple concept, but it can really rankle from time to time. (You should have heard the heated, spontaneous discussion about the dishwasher last month.) We all get so caught up in our ideas of what is "fair" or whether someone is truly "invested in the community". As if we don't realize that "investment" can not be measured in the same way for everyone or that what is "fair" has so many different possible viewpoints.

What we have to do is trust that no one is here to sponge off of anyone else. A tall order when is comes to the day to day stuff of unloading the dishwasher and sweeping the floor. It is far easier to say, "You must prove your commitment to the community by doing the things that I find important," or some other equally self-congratulating thing.

For me, today, living in an intentional community is about letting go of my need to have everything go the way I would have it go.

House Meeting Today

2005-05-24T23:43:00.000-07:00

in which we worked out a new plan for cooking rotations, discussed our houseguest's issue with losing her keys, made plans for the folks on the second floor to sign up for shower times, and planned a housecleaning blitz for Monday.

Our new cooking plan:
Including our houseguest, we have six adults who rotate cooking responsibilities for our four community dinners. Every week, two adults get the week off from cooking. The other four have set days (for example, B always cooks on Wednesdays), while David and I substitute in for anyone who has that week off. We'll see how this goes...

My Situation

2005-05-21T13:19:00.000-07:00

I live in an intentional community house called Raphael. We are part of the Salsbury Community Society here in East Vancouver.

What this means is that my family and I live with some other (fairly random) people. We share living expenses: utilities, food and household goods budgets, chores, etc. We eat dinner together (currently four nights out of the week) and we generally look out for each other.

We are supposed to have a vision for offering hospitality to others... but we haven't come that far yet.

Our house began in a different manner from the other houses supported by the Salsbury Community Society. The actual house became available first and then interested, committed people were found to fill it. For us, this means that we moved in a year ago with strangers and have spent the last year getting to know each other so that we might now be able to reach out.

In our house lives my family (Sarah, David, Peter, and Lucy), Barbara, Vanessa, and Sarah. We are widely diverse in age, ethnicity, educational background, and interest. All this diversity certainly makes life interesting!

And so

2005-05-20T20:09:00.000-07:00

it begins...